September 29, Proverbs 25
Whoever sings songs to a heavy heart is like one who takes off a garment on a cold day, and like vinegar on soda. - Proverbs 25:20
The rich images and memorable phrases of Proverbs are reflected in other Bible passages. Luke 14 records Jesus’ story about humility with the same basic idea as verses 6 and 7 of this chapter. It is better to be called up to a higher place than be demoted to a lower one. The apostle Paul echoed Proverbs 25:21-22 when he wrote in Romans 12 about heaping burning coals on an enemy’s head by being kind to him.
Let's think together for a few minutes about verse 20: "Whoever sings songs to a heavy heart is like one who takes off a garment on a cold day, and like vinegar on soda." What's the wisdom in this for you and me, 3,000 years after Solomon?
Are you uncomfortable with tears? Do you suppress tears in public, or maybe even when you're alone? Why do so many of us do that? Maybe men are conditioned not to cry by all the dads and ball coaches who told us not to cry. Guys, did you ever hear, "Quit crying! Be a man!" from an authority figure in your youth?
I think it may be our fears about our own tears that make us uncomfortable with other folks crying, too. I've heard so many well-meaning friends and family members tell a grieving person, "Hey, don't cry! It's going to be ok." This phenomenon doesn't have to involve weeping. It could be our efforts to cheer up a companion who's in a low emotional place or a somber mood. We’re amateur comedians, trying to get a laugh from our friend who doesn't feel like laughing. Maybe they're wrestling with a frightening diagnosis or a serious family problem. We mean well, but our solemn friend might not be ready for laughter therapy just yet.
That's the scenario behind the wise advice of this verse. Would you be cruel to a friend by taking his coat on a very cold day? That's how your happy song comes across to a person in deep grief or distress. You meant it for kindness, but it feels like cruelty to them. It is both inappropriate and unappreciated to try to cheer up a brokenhearted person too soon. Sometimes we don't know what to say. That might be a good time to say nothing. Job's friends did better the week they sat in silence with him than when they started talking to him.
The other image in the verse reminds me of a science project we did as school kids. We sculpted a mountain from modeling clay and dug out a well from the peak of our mountain down almost to the base of the sculpture. Then we put baking soda down into the well, gathered an audience to watch, and poured vinegar in on the sodium bicarbonate. Presto! Instant volcano! The chemical reaction between the vinegar and soda made foamy "lava" spew out of our homemade volcano. We got an "A" on the project and learned that combining the acid (vinegar) and base (baking soda) produced carbon dioxide gas, the foam that poured out of our volcano.
What's the point of all that? My mistimed and misdirected efforts to stop weeping or change my distraught friend's mood might provoke a similar "lava" reaction instead of calming him down. I could do more harm than good, even trying to do what seemed like a good thing.
Don't deny a friend who needs to express strong emotion the catharsis of salty tears. Don't expect everyone around you to process grief and feel loss in the same way that you do. It takes wisdom to know what to say and when to say it to help a sad person get past the sadness. Let's remember Solomon's advice, and ask God to grant us the wisdom to apply what this verse teaches.
Copyright © 2021 by Michael B. McElroy. Used
by permission. All rights reserved.
Today in God's Word—September 2024
East Tallassee Church of Christ
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